Worrying About Sex (In Your 40’s)

SexParkingSignSometimes, I worry about sex.

Yes, me. I know, it’s odd. Right?

I mean, I’ve written about sex a lot. I review sex toys. I try to be honest about my sexuality.

But here are two of my worries.

One, I worry that I don’t put out enough.

Sure, hubs and I go through active periods. Thursday nights when the kids aren’t with us. (Thanks to divorce.) Every other weekend when the kids aren’t with us. (Same.) When we go on vacation and the kids aren’t with us. (Good planning.) Note the no kids theme.

But we miss some opportunities here and there. Not in the mood. Mind too full of other stuff. Too tired. Shouldn’t have had that second dirty martini. And that half a bottle of red wine.

And two, I worry that my husband may not want to bone me because, well, I’m not in good shape right now. Yes, I said it. I’m a few or ten pounds overweight and I’m not even finding myself attractive. (Did you know that you can gain weight in your vagina?)

Sure sometimes I look at my ass in the mirror and think, “Yeah, I’d tap that.”

(Sorry, I’ve been listening to my kid’s inappropriate music. Some how, it makes it seem better if we’re listening to it together. Don’t judge.)

But then other times, I look in the mirror and all I see are love handles, saggy breasts and a pouchy middle-aged C-section stomach.

But the other morning, for a few minutes, I didn’t worry about putting out or the shape of my body.

We had just had sex for the first time in two weeks because first, my husband had been out of town. (He went to Las Vegas with two guy friends.)

And then I had been out of town, in Northern California, visiting my brother. When I got back, I was jet-lagged, felt fat from all of the artisanal eating and hadn’t groomed myself in a week because well, I was traveling without my husband and sleeping by myself.

But last Sunday morning we were finally alone. We had slept in and were just lying in bed. And I knew what was coming.

I’ll spare you the XXX rated details. No TMFI here. I’ll just say that it was worth waiting for all of stars to align and for all of those stars to get the fuck out of the house.

After, we were downstairs, dressed and ready to go on a nice long power walk together. My hair was up, which it hardly ever is. I had no makeup on, just sunscreen. And my hubs looked at me long and hard and said to me, “You’re really pretty.”

My first thought was he’s just saying that because he wants to have sex with me. But then I remembered that we had just had sex.

My response? “Well, at least I know you mean it because you’ve already gotten laid.”

And with that we walked out the door.

True love. No worries.


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4 thoughts on “Worrying About Sex (In Your 40’s)

  1. Ahh, that is the sweetest darn story! Something I’ve come to realize, men in general seem to think we’re all beautiful. Husbands who have been with us for a long time, tend to perceive us as astoundingly attractive. This still startles me because like most women, I tend to view my flaws with a somewhat critical eye. Sometimes I’m a bit like a teen ager, I just know the entire world is zeroed in on a pimple I have and all harshly judging me because of it. LOL, needless to say, the cure for this kind of narcissism is lots of good sex 🙂

  2. Ladies, let me clue you in on something about us men. When we see your flaws, it’s usually because YOU point them out. Yep. It’s true.

    I write sex stories about my marriage. One of them I wrote is called, “Wives, Take your Big Girl Panties Off. We, your Husbands, Love your Body”. You can read it here: http://marriedheat.com/wives-take-big-girl-panties/

    We’ve been married for 30 years and her body just gets more sexy with each passing year. First off, yes, we men still look at the hot young chicks and we like what we see. But it’s just a body for us. When I look at my wife, I still look at her through the 24 year old mind when I married her. Her perky tits are saggy. She has a baby bump that will never go away. It comes for birthing 5 large kids and reminds me of the sacrifice she made to allow her body to be destroyed from the inside to become the best mother in the world.

    Her ass isn’t firm. She has stretch marks in places I could take too long describing. Her face is wrinkled. Her hair is still brunette but the grey roots are clearly visible within a week or so of her dying it.

    With all that, I look at her and say, “HOT DAMN! I’m hitting that!” (Yeah, I have kids too.)

    She’s my hot, passionate, sexy, gorgeous amusement park. I make it a point to ride all the rides. I love her more each day and can’t imagine what I would do with some young 20 something. I don’t think I could get my penis inside. Too tight. My wife vajayjay is … well … as she puts it when we’re sexing it up, “It’s like you’re swinging a bat in an open doorway.” Well, I love swinging my bat in her open doorway. Nothing thrills me more.

    Anyway … remember … you, yes you, are usually responsible for giving your hubbies the bad news about your bodies. We see our wives are HOT!

  3. Great post. I will definitely be checking out your posts. Being married myself for 20 years, I agree that married people can have hot sex, too.

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