The other day, my teen daughter and I were sitting in the den watching yet another episode of Friends on Netflix when my almost 18 year-old son came through the front door with a FedEx package in his hand.
He had been waiting for the return of his headphones that out of town friends had accidentally taken with them and she had been waiting for an Etsy shipment of a necklace she had bought.
So they both thought that the package was for them. My daughter offered to bet my son a fake five dollars that the package was for her but he refused, not willing to let his sister win anything.
This back and forth went on for a few minutes and I just sat there watching the whole thing and laughing. Enjoying my kids and their pseudo-bickering and thinking that when my son goes to college in August, there will be no more of this.
Finally my daughter ripped the envelope open and inside was a little black box that could easily hold a necklace or a pair of headphones. As she started to take the top off of the box, I saw what was printed on it: The word EVA and an illustration of what looks like a super pumped up ladybug.
Like a slow motion movie scene where you don’t want the person to open the door that reveals something horrific, I screamed, “Noooo” and reached over to snatch the box away from her. She was startled but then looked at me and said, “Oh my god Mom. Is that a vibrator?”
My shocked silence was a dead give-away that yes, it was a vibrator. And I had to fess up because my kid knows me too well. What was the point in lying. Plus, I think that I blushed. My son told me he was scarred for life and I ran upstairs and threw the whole thing in to my underwear drawer. Which is where it sat until my kids went to their dad’s for the weekend.
Later that evening, my son and I were sitting across the dining room table from one another, both working on our computers. Out of no where, I heard a loud buzzing noise. I looked over at him and he just started laughing. At me. Yes! He had a sense of humor about the whole thing. Maybe he’s not scarred for life.
The next day, another package was delivered. It was a big two foot by two foot box. My kid looked at it and said, “Wow Mom. That’s one big vibrator.” Thankfully, this box just had new food and bedding in it for Francisco, our much-loved hamster.
But I’m thinking that maybe I should get a PO Box.