Reaching 50 Without Any Chin Hairs

Cullen2I’m turning 49 soon.

(No. No. No. It can’t be.)

Thinking back on when I turned 40, I remember saying, “Oh, age is just a number. You’re only as old as you feel. Forty is the new thirty. Blah, blah, blah.”

Fuck that.

Forty-nine is old. Forty-nine is one year away from 50.

And in the past year, I’ve experienced some real physical changes.

My metabolism sucks. My hands look older. (Why do they have to call them liver spots?) My periods are messed up. And if I don’t get my hair colored every four weeks, I look like a skunk.

But I don’t want a gift certificate to a plastic surgeon for a birthday present. I’m not going to get a boob lift, injections of facial fillers or even a labiaplasty.

At least not yet.

But I’m not going to just sit back and let the years come upon me. Let my vagina shrivel up, my hair get stringy and my face get wrinkly.

I’m going to do what I can to reach 50 looking my best.

Because I know this about myself: If I look good, I feel good. Physically and more importantly, mentally.

(Proof of this? I went to a wedding this past weekend. Beautiful bride, handsome groom and me in a new dress that made me feel on top of the world. Look good, feel good. Don’t ever underestimate the power of that.)

So here are a few things I am doing as I speed closer to my half-a-century birthday:

  • I will not let facial hair become an issue. When I get my eyebrows waxed, I will get my mustache waxed as well.
  • Along those same lines, I will keep a tweezers in the car to pluck errant chin hairs. The light is great for seeing those annoying black whiskers.
  • After experimenting with various kinds of weight loss and weight control methods, I’ve learned that eating six small meals a day, and exercising more than three times a week, is best for my metabolism and my body. (And yes, there are certain things I can’t eat often. Which sucks. But it’s all about priorities and choices.)
  • I hate to say this one but…. Drinking messes up my sleep and makes my face puffy. So I’m going to be cutting down on this. After going for six weeks without drinking, I’ve come to the conclusion that I can have fun sober.
  • Use it or lose it. Yes, old(er) people still have sex. And my sexuality is important to me, to my marriage and to my vagina. So remaining a sexual being is a necessity. Even if I have to schedule it.

This is my partial growing older to-do list. I left out some more obvious things like using sunscreen and moisturizing. Reading every day. And keeping a sense of humor, especially necessary with a few teenagers in the house. All are also important to me.

Your list might be completely different. Or you might only be 40 and happy that you don’t have to deal with this. Yet. (Don’t worry. One day you’ll be my age. Honestly, it’s not so bad.)

But if you know how to get rid of liver spots, please share your secret with me in the comments. I hate those things.


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8 thoughts on “Reaching 50 Without Any Chin Hairs

  1. Oh my goodness — to be so young as 50 once again LOL. Yes, as a matter of fact, I do know how to get rid of liver spots. I’m almost 70 and have ZIP — oh, and no chin or mustache hairs either. Got a kick out of your post – glad to have found you.

      • Because you asked……..I’m a health coach. I was told I had two years to live over 40 years ago (cancer). It motivated me to study natural health and became a natural health coach and symptomologist. For the past 35 years I have taught people how to have optimum health and feel and look younger. Liver spots are a symptom of what is going on elsewhere in the body. If you are interested, I would be happy to connect with you via email.

  2. Oh the 50’s are so much fun! And I love how you included “use it or lose it” as one of your goals. Just because the skin and extra pounds are settling around our middles doesn’t mean we have to leave off on the sexy time! And facial hair is stupid and yucky. LOL

  3. As a New Yorker who is never in the front passenger seat – I was in the car with a friend in the suburbs the other day and discovered that YES, the mirror (and light) in the front seat make it the BEST PLACE to find stray chin hairs. Now I have to convince a cab driver to let me sit up front with him… hmmmm.

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